Connection as a Powerful Act of Self Care

Childhood friendships can be renewed as powerful adult connections.

I am deep in the middle of the holiday break. It is that time of year between Christmas and New Year’s Eve when many people are out of town, school is out, some work places are closed, and for those that are open the environment becomes much more relaxed. It is the time of year in which the regular pace of life slows way down. This is often talked about as the time of year to hibernate, recharge, and take care of ourselves by doing less. 

Of course, many of the articles I’m reading tout this particular time of year as a time for self-care. Self-care is all the rage. I am, however, heeding that advice more this year and giving myself the permission to sleep a little longer and to pay attention to my internal rhythms. But even more important than sleeping more or getting a massage or binge-watching that television show, I believe that the most important act of self-care any of us can do for ourselves during the holiday season is to connect with others.

Research has shown us that connection is critically important to our well-being. Mental health is directly correlated to the strength of our relationships with others. In fact, the ability to establish close companionship can even be a life or death matter. People with stronger social relationships have a lower mortality rate. Connecting with others may be one of the most important and powerful acts of self-care that we can do.

This holiday season my social media feed is full of people connecting: of families spending extraordinary amounts of time with each other - eating, playing board games, watching television, cooking together . . . . connecting. It is these scenes of generally average time (not big vacations or fancy parties, but of families simply coming together in aspects of daily life) that provide us with fuel for the new plans and resolutions that a new year brings. These moments of togetherness are the nourishment we all need.

One of the most impactful types of connective self-care that this time of year brings is the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. I did just that today. I had breakfast with a group of old high school friends, most of whom I haven’t seen for years and some I haven’t seen for decades. It can be scary to see people after so many years and to wonder what you might have in common, what you might talk about, whether you will have a connection after all of those years.

What I found is that the first few awkward minutes dissipated quickly. We spoke about surface-level things (how old our kids are, where we are working, new neighborhoods we are living in), but easily and profoundly moved to much deeper topics (how to parent an adult child, dealing with deep betrayals in our lives, celebrating independence while acknowledging that emotional dependence still exists), all punctuated with deep belly laughs resulting from just the right comment or quip.

This type of connection - the connection of old friends - is a treasure. Reviving old friendships is especially rewarding because the time previously spent together, even if that time was decades earlier, means that the foundation of that friendship still exists. The trust that is imperative to strong social relationships has already been built. It can be recaptured in minutes (whereas it takes at least 200 hours of time to create a close friendship).

This year, I encourage you to resolve to re-connect with an old friend. Take the time to have lunch or grab a cup of coffee. If you can, connect in person. Give that hug, receive that smile, exercise that empathy. Old friends are the people who knew you when and have a deeper understanding, without explanation, of what you’ve been through and where you are going. One of the kindest acts of self-care you can give yourself is to reconnect.

Here’s to deeper, and renewed, connections in the new year. And to the old friends who helped to inspire this article, here’s to treasured moments both past and future. Happy new year!