Transcript
Hello and welcome to the 92000 Hours podcast. I’m your host, Annalisa Holcombe. This, my friends, is the last episode of Season 4. This has been a BIG season for us – and for me, personally. Over the course of this season I have done something completely different. Rather than interview amazing guests, I have run a workshop series . . . which has meant that I have had to be more vulnerable publicly than I have ever been. This deep work only makes a difference if we are willing to actually dig in and open ourselves up. This means both getting curious and getting honest with ourselves. I’ve tried my best to model that throughout this season. And I have to admit, it gets a little scary. Podcasting is a lot like “screaming into the void” – all of that effort and hoping that someone actually hears it and gets something from it. I do receive comments and thoughts from listeners, and for those of you who have done so, thank you. Truly. You have no idea how much it means to me and the team.

Today, we are wrapping up the workshop series. We will do some reflecting, but we still have some important exercises for you to help you understand all of the wisdom you’ve collected over this season, and a way to make it actionable. So let’s get started.

First, we need to talk about the subjects we’ve covered during this season. Each one was important. We curated this work intentionally both in terms of the subjects and the sequence. All of it is necessary. And in order for us to get closure that has significance, we need to review and reflect. We’re going to start at the beginning.

And in the beginning, it was all about trust. We had you ask some hard questions about yourself. Such as: when you think about trust, do you start with when your trust was broken? Why is that? How does that apply differently in your personal life, professional life, and societal life?

We moved on to vulnerability. In that episode, we talked about how charged even the word vulnerability is. And how differently we may have comfort with that word as compared to bravery or courage. So we asked: when was the last time you felt vulnerable? Or . . . when was the last time you were brave? What made that moment brave? What was the vulnerability you were overcoming in order to be courageous? We talked about the importance of boundaries – of understanding who has earned the right to truly see you. We emphasized the importance of identifying your “square squad” – the people Brene Brown has identified as the individuals whose opinions and constructive criticism really matter to you. Remember them – we’re going to talk about them in our lesson today, too.

Our third workshop was on identity. In this episode we discussed how our social identities combined with personal identities create the way that we see ourselves operating in the world and even create the ways that we see the world itself. We completed an exercise to help us determine our own given, chose and core identities and provided ways to understand how we bring those identities with us to work.

We built on our growing understanding of ourselves in our fear workshop. Where I asked you – existentially, what are you afraid of? And for our purposes, what are you afraid of at work? That you’ll get fired? That you’ll succeed? That your opinions won’t be valued? That underneath it all, the work isn’t fulfilling? We asked you to write it down and name it. And then we asked you to explore it. What led to this fear? Are there mental models you have about yourself, about your work, about your value, about the world, that are informing these fears? Is there objective evidence to support your mental models? What are the things you can do to address them? What things are unable to be addressed? What does that mean for you and your career?

And then we explored our values. We thought about the values that were both explicitly and implicitly expressed in our childhood homes, in our current homes, and in our workplaces. We completed a value sorting exercise where we ultimately identified our top three values and defined what they mean to us.

In the priorities episode we reviewed the object lesson made popular by Steven Covey. We named our big rocks and talked about the importance of focusing on them first. We talked about essentialism and the benefit of putting our effort into those things that we are best at. And we heard our friend Lee Payne remind us that it is not only okay, but imperative, that we say no.

When we allowed ourselves to think about Walking a Different Path in our lives, we opened to possibility. What happens when we allow ourselves to imagine with that childlike wonder we once had about our potential futures? Would you still pursue that “unlikely” job or role if you truly felt free to do so? And, if you wouldn’t, is there some aspect of that role that you remain really attracted to, and can you incorporate that into your life in some other way?

And finally, in our most recent episode we engaged in prompts about who we are and boiling it all down to what we truly believe. In the “This I Believe” episode I shared my own personal belief statements, realized over time, and developed into stories. This kind of sense-making, if you take the time, can be a powerful guide in your career, your life, and your relationships. And we learned, not surprisingly, that the advice you’re looking for might be your own.

That journey, over months – and because of our hiatus for grief – over years – has been a long one. Today we plan to bring all of that information together and provide you with a sense of purpose and closure.

To do that, we have one more exercise. For this, I want you to think about this statement: “Are you a human being, or a human doing?”

Honestly, I think we are all both. But our society often has us focus on the human doing aspect. I bet everyone listening to this podcast has a to do list somewhere. When you meet someone, do you – or they – start with “what do you do?” We talk about our work, our plans, our next steps. We measure ourselves on the next promotion, the marriage, the kids, the car, the house. And those things are okay. We are doing a lot. But what we miss is the “being” aspect of our humanity. All of those moments of the journey. It isn’t just checking the box on buying that house. It is the dreaming about what a house means to you, about what it represents, about the love you want to put inside it.

Can you imagine if we met new people and instead of first asking – what do you do, instead we asked what do you love? Who do you love? What is lighting you up right now? Can you imagine the different types of conversations we’d be having? We as humans are so much more than what we do.

I’m recording this in January of 2024 and new year resolutions are still being talked about. I watched a great TedTalk about this from Alex Gibb, in which he mentioned his own new year reflections and the “tick marks” he’d make – whether it was getting a promotion at work (tick!) or visiting friends in Brussels (no tick). So instead of new year’s resolutions about doing, he started writing his values (creativity, adventure, love) and every few months of the year, he’d check in to see if he was living those values – if his “being” while he was on the journey reflected how he wanted to live a life.

What an amazing way to view our lives. How can we ensure that we are not only “doing” the things matter to us personally but that we are also “being” in the way that aligns with us meaningfully?

So I’d like you to do one more exercise. If this workshop were a university course, this would be your final exam. You know yourself now, and we’d like to turn this knowledge into action. We have provided information on this exercise in the accompanying worksheet on our blog at www.connectioncollaborative.com/blog.

Take out a piece of paper and divide it into four quadrants. The top left horizontal line should say Being/Thinking. The top right horizontal line should say Doing. The top vertical axis should say Saying Yes and the lower vertical axis should say Saying No.

Now, take 20 minutes and list 2-3 things in each quadrant. In the top left quadrant, think of several things that you will say yes to being or thinking, under that what you will say no to being or thinking. On the right what will you say yes to doing and on the bottom right what will you say no to doing?

This can be hard, but you can do it. Think about what you’ve learned about yourself, be honest with yourself, and identify what you really want to be free of and do more of. This can be an incredibly impactful exercise. It simply depends on how seriously you take it.

I’ll give you my own example.

In my I Say Yes to Being/Thinking quadrant, I have the following statements:
I say yes to believing in myself.
I say yes to my own ambition.
I say yes to optimism.

In my Say Yes to Doing quadrant, I have the following statements:
I Say Yes to speaking up even when I’m not sure others are listening.
I Say Yes to taking up space.
I Say Yes to continuing to pursue this Connection Collaborative work, because I know it is worthwhile.

In my Say No to Being/Thinking quadrant, I have the following statements:
I Say No to my self-defeating mental models & self-limiting thoughts
I Say No to situations that don’t honor my boundaries

And finally, in my Say No to Doing quadrant, I have the following statements:
I Say No to so many meetings that could have been emails!
I Say No to doing more than my own share of housework in my household
I Say No to wasting precious time and brain space on so much social media

I share these as examples of how I used this worksheet to focus on what I need and what I’d really like to commit to. What do yours look like? If you’ve given this at least the 20 minutes of deep thought and effort it deserves, backed by the full workshops we’ve completed this season, I would imagine these statements - and the areas of your life you will say yes and no to, are quite powerful.

Congratulations! You’ve finished the 92,000 Hours Final Exam! Now, it’s time for your commencement ceremony. To do this, you’ll need your square squad. Remember those people in your life – maybe it is just one person, but it could be up to a handful – that you turn to for their constructive criticism and opinions? The people who hold you with care and love, and who you can be vulnerable with? You’ll need them with you to share in your 92,000 Hours commencement.

Here's what I’d like you to do: using masking tape, a long tape measure, even a belt . . . find something that you can place on the floor that creates a “line” that you must cross by stepping over it. A member of your square squad should stand on the other side of the line, holding your Saying Yes and Saying No paper so that you can read it. When I did this with my students, I’d stand on the other side of the masking tape line on the floor and each student would read their Saying Yes and Saying No statements out loud to the other members of our group – their own Square Squad – their own personal board of directors. This act of saying what you will and will not think and do out loud and then “crossing the line” to this “new you” is significant. This is your gift to yourself. And bringing in someone who will understand the significance of your saying yes and saying no statements, and who can be present with you and hold you accountable to honoring those statements, will make them even more meaningful.

So make this special. Say your statements out loud. Feel the meaning that you put into them, and the gravity of what honoring them would actually mean to you. Commit to them. Make sure you’re ready, because when you cross that line, you will not be the same. I’ve had students step over that masking tape line by dancing, doing cartwheels, jumping with both feet, or sometimes even falling into someone’s arms. So think about it. Once you cross that line, you are taking ownership of living more authentically, and as the you who knows who you are, what you value, and what brings you meaning.

I hope you and your square squad honor the moment with a toast, a hug, a glass of wine or a nice dinner. And I hope you’ll share it with me. I’d love to know what you are saying yes and saying no to in your life, and what it felt like to cross that line and commit to yourself.

Congratulations, you’ve now completed our 92,000 Hours workshop season! It has been quite a journey and we hope you’ve learned a lot about yourself. Even though I’ve done this work for many years, I learn something more every time I do any one of these lessons. I certainly hope you’ve enjoyed it. If you have, please let us know. You can reach me at annalisa@connectioncollaborative.com or you can leave a comment on our social media. You can find us on facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

And stay tuned for next season. We’ll be back with more interviews with our experts next door. We will have separate special episode on grief soon. We received a lot of feedback on our grief episode, and we have several guests we’d like to talk with on this subject. It certainly resonated.

Until then, please keep in touch and keep listening. We’re working on new opportunities, including our Transformation Collaborative, where you can join others in diving deep and doing some of this season’s workshop in community and with my coaching and facilitation. You can learn more on our website at www.connectioncollaborative.com. Thanks everyone. Stay tuned for next season. I hope you’ll join us.